There is a wonderful anachronism for fear:
Much of the fear in our lives is based on false evidence.
Our bodies are designed to respond with the fight or flight
mechanism to real and present danger - such as being physically
attacked. In the face of real and present danger, the adrenaline
flows and the blood drains out of our organs and brain and into our
limbs to prepare us for fight or flight.
Yet many people spend much of their time in the anxiety and stress
of fight or flight when there is no real and present danger. This is
because the body responds the same way to imagined danger as it does
to real danger. The body thinks that the false evidence coming from
our thoughts is real.
This constant state of fear and anxiety often leads to various
addictions in the hope of numbing out the difficult feelings. Food,
alcohol, drugs, nicotine, gambling, sex, TV, shopping, approval,
attention, work, anger, rage, violence to self and others – all
can be used in attempts to block out painful feelings.
Yet, the addictions themselves are an abandonment of self, in that
they are not a healthy and loving way of dealing with painful
feelings. And it is self-abandonment that causes the most fear,
anxiety, and depression.
Thus, many people are caught in a very negative circle based on
• Thinking negative thoughts about the future - about rejection,
failure, loss of others, loss of self, loss of money – creates
fear in the body and is an abandonment of self.
New Page 5
We are abandoning ourselves when we allow ourselves to make up
thoughts about the future that scare us. This would be like saying
to a child, “You are going to end up alone. No one will ever love
you. You will be out on the streets with no food and no help.”
Saying this to a child would be considered child abuse, yet many
people tell these same things to themselves over and over when there
is no objective truth to these statements.
• Once we have created fear with our negative thinking, we try to
avoid the fear with our various addictions.
Avoid responsibility for creating our fear by turning to addictions
is another self-abandonment. This is like offering a frightened
child a cookie instead of addressing the source of the fear. The
self-abandonment creates deep inner emptiness and aloneness, which
perpetuates the addictive behavior. It also creates neediness,
leading to pulling on others for love, approval and attention.
• Addictive behavior perpetuates the original fears – an endless
vicious circle of self-abandonment.
Moving Beyond Fear and Addiction
There really is a way out of this! While the process of moving
beyond fear and addiction is simple, it is not easy. It takes deep
commitment and devotion to your peace and joy.
1) Choose the willingness to feel your painful feelings and take
responsibility for creating them, rather than continue avoiding them
with your various addictions. It is only when you are willing to be
with your feelings rather than avoid them that you can learn about
how you are creating your own pain.
2) Consciously decide that you want to learn about what you are
thinking or doing that is causing your pain.
3) Dialogue with the part of you that is in fear and pain - you can
think of this feeling part of you of a child within – about how
you are causing the pain. Discover your thoughts and actions that
are causing your pain.
4) Open to learning with a Higher Power – your own highest wisest
self, an inner teacher or mentor, a guardian angel, God – about
what is the truth regarding your negative thinking and what the
loving action is toward yourself.
5) Take the loving action for yourself that you are guided to do in
6) Notice how you feel. If you feel more peaceful, then you know
that you have taken loving action. If not, then you need to go back
through these steps to discover another loving action.
This six-step process is called Inner Bonding®. We offer a free
Inner Bonding course at www.innerbonding.com.